Why Can't We Be Friends?

This season – season eight marks the final chapter for ABC’s hit television series Desperate Housewives. Yes, kiss them goodbye. I have been a huge fan, following every insane action and unbelievable plot twist and turn. But for as desperate as the housewives seem, one underlying thread stretches from season one through season eight: friendship. Yes, friendship is a term of endearment but can also have many different meanings based on who you ask. I have said many times that I’m blessed to have true friends in my life.

My friends and family have helped me pull through some trying situations and I believe I am blessed that, just like the desperate housewives, for all of the faults (and secrets) my friends posses, whenever one of us are in trouble, it goes without saying: the rest will always be there. I fully trust my true friends with my life, know they have my back and likewise, I will go out of my way to lend a helping hand. These good friends are a rare breed – they are going out of style.

True friends were prevalent among my mother and grandmother. But back then, they weren’t really called “friends” – they were referred to as “neighbors.” The neighbor down the street would stop over and drop off a piece of her famous pie for my grandmother to sample. And the neighbor who lived behind us would call me over to get some home-grown tomatoes. There was even neighbor who, whenever she was running to the grocery, would call my grandmother and ask, “Hey, do you need me to pick up anything for you?”

Yes, those types of friends are going out of style. Still, I began thinking about this whole thing called friendship. And as on any given day, we may find Desperate Housewives’ Bree Van de Kamp tilling her garden, I believe that every now and then we need to do the same thing with friends. All too often, snakes and weeds creep into the picture and we must recognize them before they take over the entire garden. But some people are more comfortable surrounding themselves with snakes, than they are around people who can contribute to growth in their lives.

I have personally tried to befriend people who push me away because they have dealt with fakes, backstabbers and “frienemies” all of their lives – so when a true friend comes along, they grow suspicious. I’m sure others reading this can relate. And what I have learned is that when someone pushes you away and all you’re trying to do is be a friend to them, back off. There are people in this world who attract no-good friends because they haven’t yet expanded their own self esteem. One thing I know for sure is that you teach people how to treat you.

If you have a friend in your life who you don’t hear from until they either need money, need help, in trouble, need a favor, need a ride, need a job or need sex. You NEED to let them go. And don’t get mad at them for being that kind of friend because you taught them it was okay to use you. If you’re not sure if you have a “needy” friend, call them up.

Ask them to come help you to move a piece of furniture, or ask them to borrow some cash until the end of the week, or ask them to give you a lift someplace because your car is in the shop. See if you get a return phone call. And notice I say “return phone call” because chances are, this type of friend will see your number on the caller ID and will send you straight to voice mail.

Once you realize that you are worthy to be treated with respect, you will attract people in your life who mean the best for you and have your back. You will find friends who when you lose the beat of your song in life, they will sing the words to you. I realized that in order to find a friend worthy of me, I had to first practice being that type of friend to someone else.

Now that I know what it’s like to have really true friends, I only wish for every single one of you to experience somebody to care for you and to know you in such a way that they only want what’s best for you in life. And when good things happen in your life, their eyes light up with joy, knowing that friendship is precious not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life as well.